


My-Crack-ulous: The Movie Trailer

by ChaoticNeutral



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack, Gen, Parody, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23463292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticNeutral/pseuds/ChaoticNeutral
Summary: When the fate of the world hangs in the balance...And the villain’s plan doesn’t exactly work out as he had intended...It all comes down to one man to stand forth and become the hero he always wanted to be.(Because Gabriel’s initial Master Plan to “be a supervillain and cause trouble until the exact things I want are brought to me” has...just a few flaws.Like if the Guardian happened to not be in Paris in the first place.But it’ll be fine, right?“Finally! My moment has come!”...RIGHT?)
Comments: 41
Kudos: 318





	My-Crack-ulous: The Movie Trailer

**Author's Note:**

> Happy April Fools!
> 
> Yes, I know it’s late. No, I don’t care.
> 
> Updated 4/14: There were a couple of things I wanted to add.

* * *

** When a villain attacked… **

“Go forth my akuma! And evilize him!”

The corrupted butterfly flew up to the window.

And kept running into the glass repeatedly as the window was still closed.

“Dammit! I bought this stupid thing to be automatic!“ Hawk Moth cursed to himself as he kept trying to hit the button to no effect. Eventually he gave up and was forced to call Nathalie to have her open the window by hand while he made a note to fire the contractor.

** When a Guardian was beyond reach… **

Fu and Wayzz gaped in horror at the breaking news in Paris from their apartment in Hawaii.

“Master! It’s Nooroo! Someone has found the Butterfly Miraculous!”

“And is using it for evil.” Fu replied, narrowing his eyes. “We must act.”

“But Master, we’re halfway across the world!”

Fu pulled out his cellphone and dialed the airport to arrange for a ticket to Paris.

He was immediately put on hold.

** When a monster was unleashed… **

“Ivan?” Bustier asked.

“Not anymore!” The hulking rock monstrosity answered. “Now I’m Stoneheart!”

“That’s nice, Ivan—er—Stoneheart, but you still need to say ‘here’ for role call.” She admonished him, gesturing to his many terrified yet still seated classmates who had previously been waiting to be marked for attendance.

“Oh. Sorry.” He simpered, and shuffled past the several still terrified students to sit at his desk and wait through the rest of role call.

Unfortunately, the seat collapsed under his weight, sending him back into a rage and the other students fleeing from the classroom.

** When a miracle wasn’t there… **

“It’s okay, Marinette.” She worked to reassure herself as she carried the box of macarons to school. “It’s the first day of school. That means a new school year. New changes. New chances. Now to go out there and show them what you’re made of!”

She squared up her shoulders, held her head high, and prepared herself for whatever the school year would bring.

“RAAAAAH!” Stoneheart yelled, stomping down the street and causing random destruction. People were running. Cars were being thrown. Loud noises and screams filled the streets. The chaos was enough that her grip on the box was lost and many macarons went falling out and onto the concrete.

She stared at the rampaging monster before her gaze slowly slid down to the now sad-looking macarons that seemed to stare back at her.

She blinked.

“Nope.”

And promptly turned right back around and went home.

**When the innocent were in peril...**

Mylene screamed from her position in the akuma’s grip as he continued to climb the Eiffel Tower. At least until he made it to the top, by which point she was rather tired of screaming.

”Oh hey! I can see my house from here!”

“Really?” Stoneheart asked, curious.

Which was when they realized that giant monster and kidnapping aside, the view was really cool and the setting was actually kind of romantic.

And such ended up being the story of their first date.

** When a city cried out for help… **

“NOOO!” Chloe screeched from position trapped in the monster’s grip. “I chipped a nail!”

The mayor gasped in horror. “Chloe! Oh no!”

Roger gave him a dirty look from the side where he stood with his broken arm and surrounded by a number of other injured officers. All of them incredulous over the mayor bemoaning his daughter’s chipped nail.

** One hero answered… **

A figure could be seen standing proudly beyond a den of smoke.

“Who dares?!” Stoneheart demanded.

The figure approached, revealing itself—

“HOO HOOT!” The Owl called as he threw a net at the surprised Stoneheart.

“What the—?!”

“Now I’ve got you!” 

** His identity unknown. **

“Is that Principal Damocles?” Nino wondered.

“Affirmative.” Max replied.

“Wow.” Kim marveled. “I don’t believe it…”

“Tell me about it.” Alix snarked.

Kim grinned, excitedly. “Our Principal was a furry this whole time!”

Everyone else facepalmed.

** His abilities a mystery… **

“A hidden lair. An armored costume. All sorts of gadgets. Where did you even get these things?!” Mendelieve demanded.

“Google.”

She frowned.

“I see…”

A pause.

“And pray tell, exactly how much of a school budget do we have that you could afford it all?”

Damocles coughed and looked away.

** A lone hero. **

Damocles stood tall as he stared down the young student before him. She was kind, intelligent, and crafty. She had held her own during several akuma attacks. And she had apparently walked in on him while he was still converting his Owl Lair back to his normal office and had thus discovered his carefully hidden identity.

“I know you want to help, young lady. But it is much too dangerous for you to be fighting monsters.”

Marinette stared in confusion. “What?”

He shook his head. “No. Don’t try to argue with me! I’m only looking out for your safety!”

“I’m not arguing.”

“Although I fully understand why you would want to be a hero.“

“But I don’t?”

“Dragged onward by the call to adventure!”

“No, that was you.” And she meant it literally. She had just happened to enter his office at the wrong time when he had just removed his mask and he dragged her inside.

He looked down at her, his eyes shining with something almost like tears. “I know that your need for justice is strong, but you are young! And you deserve a chance at a normal life!”

“I never said—”

He sighed. “I can’t stop you, can I?”

“I’m not—”

“Even if I say no, you’ll just go out there anyway.”

“Actually no—”

“Very well! You can be my sidekick!”

A slow blink.

“What?”

** Standing alone against an unknown foe… **

“Dad, I think we need to talk.”

“Adrien, go to your room.”

“I know you miss Mom a lot…”

“I’m pretty sure I just told you to go to your room.”

“And her loss was hard on us all.”

“Room, Adrien.”

“But I think the way you’re handling it isn’t healthy.”

“What?!” Gabriel gasped, affronted. “How can you say that?!”

“Well for one,” Adrien replied, “You’re wearing the same weird suited luchador getup as the supervillain currently attacking Paris.”

Gabriel looked down, realizing he was still currently transformed as Hawk Moth.

“And for another,” Adrien continued, “WE’RE IN MY ROOM.”

…

…

…

“Oh.”

** The city against him… **

“Whoever could this mysterious hero be?” Nadja Chamack asked on her show, appearing bored as she read the words off the prompter in an almost sarcastic manner.

The Mayor was shown at a press conference. “Paris has no need for vigilantes who take the law into their own hands, even if it’s against a terrorist with magical powers that said hero is currently the only one who can deal with. And certainly isn’t using government funds to combat. Wink. Wink.”

Two officers turned off the TV.

“So we’re just going to pretend we don’t know who this guy is?” One asked another.

”Yep.” The other stated flatly.

“But…don’t we know?”

“Everyone knows.”

In Hawk Moth’s Lair…

“WHO IS THIS MAN?!” Hawk Moth shouted angrily over a table of newspaper clippings. “And how does he keep foiling my carefully laid plans?”

“You mean the carefully-laid plan you made to attack the city you happen to be in to get magical jewelry you don’t even know are here fully expecting the exact ones you want will just crop up?” Adrien questioned, sardonically.

“Adrien, I don’t believe I let you out of your room.”

“How am I supposed to even get in there? You let your stupid butterflies take it over!"

"I TOLD YOU THEY NEED THE SPACE!"

** His enemies conspire… **

Adrien smirked at the picture of Damocles putting on the Owl mask.

“Well, that was easy. I suppose the only thing left to do is tell father about the new ‘fashion’.”

Chloe groaned. “No. Adrikens no.”

“What?”

“Your dad’s designs are bad enough. He does NOT need help from Principal Damocles.”

“But —”

”I WILL NOT BE SEEING OWL SUITS FOR THE FALL LINE!”

** They move against him… **

"Hey dad.” Adrien said upon entering the mansion. “School was great—thanks for finally letting me go, by the way. I made some friends, impressed the teachers, and found out that my principal is the Owl you’ve been going crazy looking for."

“That’s nice.” Gabriel muttered distractedly, clearly not listening. Suddenly he paused as if in realization and looked up from his conspiracy board, squinting at Adrien. “Wait...who let you out of your room this time?"

“The butterflies.” Adrien deadpanned.

** Ever plotting evil… **

“Clearly he’s using an Owl Miraculous!” Gabriel exclaimed.

“Whyyyy?” Adrien drawled, annoyed and just wanting to have a normal dinner in peace. A normal, non-villainy-focused dinner.

“Well, he’s the Owl! What else would he be?”

“An old man with a fetish?”

“Don’t be foolish, Adrien! How else would he defeat my akumas if he didn’t have magic?”

Adrien rolled his eyes. “Because it’s not like your akumas are stupid or your plans are dumb.”

“Quite right.” Gabriel said with a resolute nod. “It’s clearly a work of genius! And only magic could counter it!”

He wasn’t serious…

“If there is an Owl Miraculous, why is there no mention of it in the book?”

“Clearly it must be the most powerful!”

He was serious.

Adrien just thumped his head against the table in exasperation.

** But even so, the hero will not falter… **

“Yeah, sorry about this.” Chat Noir shrugged apologetically before moving to attack.

“A battle between sidekicks!” The Owl exclaimed gleefully. “Go get him, Spooky! I shall deal with the akuma!”

“I TOLD YOU I’M NOT YOUR SIDEKICK! AND I NEVER AGREED TO THAT NAME!” She shouted after him as he took off towards the rampaging monster.

Seeing the interaction between them, Chat Noir paused. “Wait—you, too?”

“What?”

“Is he your dad?”

She shook her head. “No. Just a neglectful mentor who kind of dragged me into this.”

“Oh. Same. Except mine can’t in any way be considered a mentor. And there was no ‘kind of’ about this. Or any choice altogether.”

She frowned. “Then why are you helping him?”

“Because 'My father is an evil supervillain' isn't a valid reason for the courts to accept emancipation apparently.” He muttered darkly.

A pause.

“Are…are you okay?”

He stared at her in shock, looking downright teary.

“That’s the first time anyone’s ever asked me that.”

** Whatever may happen… **

From above, video footage shows the Owl was climbing the tower. Pulling himself ever upward and towards his foe. Bearing a fierce look on his face as he prepares for battle.

A different angle shows he’s maybe a couple feet off the ground and panting heavily.

“Am I halfway there?”

** He will protect this city… **

The Eiffel Tower fell over.

** And he will save us all… **

Stoneheart trudged by, still covered in a net and entirely unconcerned with it or the man still attached

“I think he’s giving up!” The Owl coughed out as he continued to be dragged along after. “Any minute now!”


End file.
